Oh goodness. Today. It all hit me today. The language I don't know. The people I don't know. The customs and procedures I don't know. This afternoon found me in bed. I had no choice but to climb back in after a morning so full of confusion. Guys, it is awesome here. And sometimes it is also very hard. Clay came up to console me, and we were reminded of something that we learned at CIT (training) last fall. The term is regression. It was mainly applied to children who's families went overseas, and how tasks that they had mastered beforehand disappeared once in a new culture. Their speaking might back up and they'll use less words. They could start wetting the bed again, etc. At training we also learned that this regression can also occur in adults. This is what I am experiencing (I haven't wet the bed yet, but we've only been here 4 weeks). First of all, I feel like a 2 year-old. Strike that, 2 year-olds can speak some. I feel like a newborn. I cannot speak. I have to point and grunt to get things. I cry often. I need naps. And I feel like I am losing skills! Like cooking. Cooking has never before scared me. Yet today, I found myself wandering around the grocery store, looking for frozen corn (what grocery store doesn't sell frozen corn, for goodness sake?!), trying to figure out how to say 'turkey' in French, and freaking out because I don't know if I should bring a hostess gift to lunch tomorrow. (The grocery store does indeed not sell frozen corn, the word for turkey is dinde, and I decided that one should always err on the side of bringing a hostess gift- my mama taught me well :)
This is how I ended up in bed. The covers would have been over my head if we had curtains. The afternoon sun is so hot in our room, that the desire to breath was stronger than my desire to hide. At the risk of sounding whiney, I will say it again. THIS IS HARD.
The day did improve however. Clay peeled me out of bed (my bed with TWO fitted sheets because I can't say 'flat sheet' in French either...oh bother), and we walked to the second hand store. I LOVE the second hand store. So much junk to dig through. And so many treasures to unearth. Well, guess what happened on this crummiest of days? We found a couch! I am so happy. It is perfect. It even folds out into a bed for all of our guests (hint hint). We have to pick it up within 8 days so hopefully we will find help to get it home before then. We are crossing our fingers that it can go through the doors this time. Furniture through the windows can be stressful for this American. Atleast when she is stressed enough as it is :) We also found a crate for my microwave/oven to sit on. You see, I have had this oven for over a week, but I couldn't get it open because the fridge was in the way on one side, and the stove top controls on the other. Anyways we found a crate that will support the oven off the floor under the counter. I am so happy. Tonight I cooked dinner, and I felt like the kitchen had grown so much just by moving that oven off the counter. Hurray!
Another bright spot is that tomorrow is Easter. Oh how happy I am to have Jesus! The bells are sounding as I type this. It seems to be a special performance for Easter Eve. They have gone on forever. Just loud and boisterous. And resounding. It is getting to me! To be so filled with Christ's joy, that it peals out like bells on Easter Eve. That is how we should live.
Today was kind of crummy. And then it got better. Jesus was there for all of it. He cheers me on. And corrects me. And loves me. Ring the bells! He is risen!
11 comments:
after 48+ hours of sleepless and showerless traveling to my new home, we finally got to our apartment. i laid down to take a "nap" and it all hit me. i was living in a country that i didn't understand, i didn't speak the language, my "bed" was a wooden pallet, my apartment smelled like China and not like home. I had just left everyone I loved in a country that I couldn't return to for at least a year. i don't know how to describe it other than i felt like i lost control of all body movements and i wanted to spend the next year of my life in my bed. (or wooden box) i stayed in that state for about 2 days, even though i regained strength to climb out of bed but my mind and heart was still lying there. scared, overwhelmed, discouraged, and utterly confused. And then my gracious Savior met me in my bed while I was reading my bible. He was faithful to meet me in my "junk" to minister to my heart in a way that He had never done before. I learned a lot of things that morning but one thing I hope to encourage you with is that there is going to hard times, harder times and even the hardest times. But since i've been in China when i hit those rock bottoms and lowest of lows and all i can do is throw up my arms in defeat and my Jesus sweeps in and reveals Himself to me in a way that I have never experienced. He calls us to follow Him to a foreign country and we can't do it in our own strength. But since i've been here i felt His strength through me like i had only imagined before. HE IS FAITHFUL and HE IS THE GREAT PROVIDER. and He's madly in love with you and you hubby. have an amazing Easter! love you, Chrissy
Psalms 57:1-2 - This was the crane that lifted my body out of my bed. :)
Megan all I can say is I am sorry it is so hard. I can't even imagine. I hope you can be patient with yourself and just let the love of Christ roll over you in those times, he truly understands. I wish I could make it better but I know Jesus will make it better than I ever could. In the midst of all this you are making good choices - you chose to let Clay "peel" you out of bed, made great decisions in taking a hostess gift and making dinner. Those aren't the choices of a baby those are the choices of a woman after Gods heart. You chose a higher calling and continue to chose higher ways. So what if you need naps that is just your physical body dealing with all the change. Like I said I hope you can be patient with yourself and not think you're not doing this well. My love you are. Sometimes the body just can't keep up with our spiritual desires. I love you but more importantly God loves you and I see him blessing you with a story and compassion for others that you might not have had if you hadn't gone through this yourself. You will have the chance to minister to another because of the things you are going through. I hope that fold out sofa is comfortable because I am planning on visiting. Again I love you and will be praying for you. (I wish I could come now and bring my sewing machine to take care of that sun in your bedroom). On that note you need to check out a blog called "the nester" she has great ideas and doesn't believe in spending a lot of $. She is a friend of my sister in laws. Just check it out you might find somethings you can use. Happy Easter to you and Clay.
love, b
Thanks for being so honest and telling us how you are really doing - this just tears me up but I know Jesus is right there with you and He will be your rock and redeemer. The inmate I've corresponded with for years (Ken) sent me an Easter card saying "God's phone number is Jerermiah 33:3" "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know". So good to that you are ringing Him up!!
Happy Easter
Baby, I'm sending an email. mama
Notes from the Other Side...
Clay and Megan,
you know how very much I loved loved loved my time in Scotland...but if you ask Randy about it, he can recall (I myself have forgotten...mostly) coming home from work and finding me curled up in the corner crying, throwing the keys at him from my fetal position, saying that I would NEVER drive in this crazy country and that frankly, I didn't think I would survive...and they speak ENGLISH there...sort of...
But, ah...this too shall pass. When I think back on my memories of my time there, and my special friends from that time in our lives, and how much I grew spiritually there under the loving tutelage of my spiritual mentor, I find it hard to believe I had those horrible dark days at the beginning. Surely Randy is making up stories when he talks about those days, right?!??!?!
We are so happy to share in your struggles as much as we are happy to share in your ministry. Thanks for being so vulnerable. I wish I could sneak in Adam's suitcase when he comes to visit!!
hey, I am glad for your honesty too! and I want to visit! we can regress together, or maybe encourage each other, that may be better...
let me know when the couch is ready! (i can bring my own sheets;). I can't find flat sheets here in Germany either.)
I love you, Meggo!
Oh my heart cries for you. Saw your momma today at church and I thought about you. I don't have words to say... please know that you and Clay are being covered in prayers- strength, peace, growth, comfort, progression. And let yourself hide at times when you need to and lean on Him to get yourself back out there. You are so very loved by all of us here.
Megan and Clay,
How out of the loop and I! I totally did not even know that you all had gone. I stink as a friend :) Please forgive me :) I love catching up though and seeing all that you've done. Yippee! I can't wait to be in Japan. My hopeful leaving date is May 25th, but I still need a bit more money. I'm sure you know the feeling :) Well, I am thinking about you both and am so excited about what He's doing through you!
Love, Elisabeth
Sweet Megan.... so honest... thank you! Yes, there are really stinky days. And, yes, they will pass. And, just as a curiosity, when we lived in South Africa, i couldn't find FITTED sheets!!
Megan & Clay,
I wish I had been keeping current as you blogged, but I am a bad blog-follower. Bumemr about the down emotions, but I have faith that they will be replaced with joy, excitement, laughter, fun, and great memories.
Ed & I were in Europe together in the 80's during Easter week. I remember staying at an Inn (above a Pancaken Hausen) in Delft, Holland, on Saturday night (the stone, spiral staircase was so narrow, we had to hoist our suitcases above our heads (vertically) to get them up to our room.) and waking the next morning to all the church bells pealing on Easter morning!!! I doubt you'll forget this Easter and all the church bells!
We love and miss you!
Jane
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